Journal 9: Glass Making

I woke up to a ruffle of leaves rustling in my ear. My eyes blinked twice for my brain to catch up with my actions. It was blurry so I reached for my glasses but grabbed air instead. I shuddered and my heart started to thump. My arms started to move swiftly around my shaking body. I paused to think and remembered.... My glasses were stolen.... gone.....for good.... My eyes closed and my heart started to thump and I suddenly sat there, still... I felt a chill roll down my spine as I thought of how I would ever cope without my glasses. How will I see? How are we going to make our fire? We need my glasses. I started to pant at the thought of those horrible thoughts. I felt my throat start to build a pain and my cheeks began to burn and turn red. My eyes started to water and my sight began to become even fuzzier. I swallowed trying to choke up the pain that started to build in my throat. I blinked a few times to clear my eyes. Than I heard the leaves crumple outside of our dilapidated hut and I sniffed and wiped my eyes. Ralph walked in, hunched over and sleep deprived. I was afraid to say anything to him on an account of what had happened the night before and Simon's death. I've been afraid to talk to him lately. There could be something I say that would crack his outer shell and he may burst into tears. Who knows.... But I don't want to see Ralph that way. I feel horrible enough know with Jack dominating and murdering Simon and the theft of my glasses. It was my fault though.... I should have watched my glasses more carefully...
"It was my fault that the glasses were stolen!" I interjected. Oh man, how stupid could I get? He needs his space... He doesn't need to worry about me and my thoughts....
Ralph turned his head slowly glancing down at my squinting eyes. I couldn't see clearly but I could have sworn I saw a small tear trickle down his mud stained face. He closed his eyes and said, "No Piggy, it was my fault.... I'm the leader.... It's mine..." He opened them and glanced down at me and sniffed than slowly turned his head to look out in front of him and headed out of the hut. I sighed and shook my head. I feel so horrible. I guess I should help him with the littluns. I got up from my sitting position and headed out of the hut. I looked out onto the horizon and I saw the rocks around the lagoon smothered in moss. I remembered the first day on the island and I thought that it was an adventure..... One of the adventures that came right out of a story book that my auntie used to read to me. It was and adventure that I always wanted to happen in real life to me. But then when I actually have it... it's different...I actually am part of the story and the horrible parts, the parts in the book that made me stay up all night thinking about it, was real. This was reality... my story... my book.... and I don't like it either...
I heard Samneric playing and laughing on the shore near the moss covered rocks. They looked at me excitedly and gave gesticulate motions for me to come to them. Oh great, what do the twits want now? How can they be so happy at a time like this? I walked over to them with nothing else to do. I gave a sigh and paced down the shore, trying to be careful about my asthma. The boys don't need anymore worries on their shoulders...especially not from me. I've caused enough trouble and I don't want to cause anymore with a stupid asthma attack.
I reached Samneric and they stopped making their desperate gestures.
"We've got an idea!" Sam announced aloud.
"We could-"
"-Make our own glass-"
"With all of this-"
"Sand!"
"Yeah! And heat!-"
I rolled my eyes up, "That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard in my life. First of all, we would need it to be extremely hot! And second of all, it is impossible to make glass out in the middle of nowhere, with no resources that would help us. Nothing at all! We have nothing! Can't you see that?!"
I saw Eric flinch at my reaction, "Okay...um...-"
"We were just...-" Sam said weakly.
"Suggesting...." They quickly ran off to the huts, whispering to each other.
I closed my eyes slowly and sat on the wet sand. I guess I over reacted just a bit....too much... Oh well...
In my mind I could see an reenactment of Simon, floating there hopelessly in the water, surrounded by the phosphorescence animals. I cringed at the thought of Simon and his death. I couldn't stop thinking about our conversation yesterday morning. We all knew we were there... just we didn't want to admit it. We were all part of the circle...but we didn't want to believe it... I didn't either, but it was actuality. We can't deny it, it was only the truth. But a part of me blames all of this on Jack. To the point where I would like to stifle him. Well, now I really do want to because of the event of last night. I just don't think I can handle it any longer. Jack needs to go and I want to do him in. Okay, back to reality... like I would ever have the courage and ability to do someone in.....